Brostoyevsky

why do grad schools feel the need to constantly remind me that I got rejected?

blag

I hate to be a negative nancy but I feel awfully lost these days. Grad school didn’t work out and now I’m kind of drifting. It’s hard for me to write these days which makes me feel even worse. I want to get a job somewhat related to my major (English with a focus on Creative Writing) but that’s going to be next to impossible. So now what? I have a summer job at my parents’ business (the only decent paying job I can get that’ll help me pay bills and such), a small savings account, and a recent urge to pick up smoking again.

Recently, I was thinking about getting a job teaching English at high schools in the fall but after looking over the requirements for a temp. teaching job I don’t think I can qualify. I want to write but I just get so damn nervous when I do and I just stop and feel bad. It’s hard for me to focus on reading as well and I have grown to hate the sound of my voice so that kicks the whole singer-songwriter thing out of my life for now. At least I have the university library I can hang out at (hello, ducks sleeping in the trees! Starbucks where they know how I like my coffee!)

My dad thinks I should start a “blag” because that’s what all the successful writers are doing these days. Maybe I should but what can I write about other than that post-college drift everyone in their early 20s feels and writes about? I tried writing a long story but that petered out after the third chapter. I’ll think more about it but who would want to read what I have to say? 

Paige wants to start a web comic over the summer so that’ll give me something to do and there’s this poetry chapbook competition that I’m thinking about applying to (if I can get myself writing again). I don’t feel entirely hopeless but as for now, I can’t see myself escaping this weird drifting feeling anytime soon.